Friday, September 16, 2011

Please, PLEASE dont do that sir!

The last 7 (yes, 7) shifts have seen me taking a full (5) patient assignment. I'm psyched, and a bit shaky still, but my preceptor assures me that i'm safe to practice. The hardest part has been that ALL SEVEN of these shifts have been with a patient I'm going to call "Doctor Evil". This is because of a physical resemblance. He is not a doctor. This is important. What he IS is a Maunchausen's patient. This man hurts himself to get surgeries by infecting wounds by putting things in them. He is the patient from hell. Usually I'm pretty zen about my patients. I can't choose them, I can't alter their lifestyles, so I just accept it. But this man decided to make ME PERSONALLY a part of his health-care fantasy. And that is not ok.
He has been in the hospital for, cumulatively, several YEARS of time. So he knows the drill. And he knows how the machines work. So as soon as I would leave the room, having hung a bag of antibiotics...the pump would alarm. And for the first TWO DAYS I thought that I was forgetting to unclamp things...or the antibiotic would mysteriously not have run in...necessitating me standing in the room troubleshooting for half an hour.
One of the other nurses finally realized that he was basically gaslighting me to get attention. That was when I decided I strongly disliked my patient.
So he's been making work kind of hellish, with constant demands, and inappropriate sexual innuendos aimed at myself and the other nurses. But, as my preceptor says..."if you can handle Dr. Evil, you can handle ANY patient".