Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Delusions of Grandeur

Last week my floor managed the impossible: We Discharged Super Sketchy Dood. After 2 admissions, totaling about 4 months in the hospital. After groping, pinching, throwing things at, and essentially sexually harassing EVERY NURSE UNDER 35...ON TWO FLOORS...and a decent proportion of the female medical residents and interns.

Super Sketchy Dood's troubles began quite a bit ago, when he made a serious mistake: he got on his dirtbike and went for an EXTREMELY drunk and high drive around his homemade off-road track. Somewhere in there he...um...tipped over. Since he was drunk, high, and of questionable intelligence, he picked himself up and went inside, not wanting to have the cops called on him. The next morning (okay, afternoon...no way he was up by noon) he woke up, discovered that his leg hurt like hell, and went to his local ER.

They sent him to us, clearly sensing Impending Doom. We saved his leg from the compartment syndrome he'd gotten. We wound vacced him, and then were promptly forced to drug him to his eyeballs after he bit a nurse. Then, crying and sobbing that "MY LIFE IS RUIIIIINNNED!!!" he ripped off the vac. And the graft. And lost the leg.

At this point, biting a nurse aside, we were all feeling pretty sorry for him. That lasted about...2 days.

To me personally, over the last few months, he: grabbed parts of my anatomy i prefer to remain un-grabbed, called me an "effing b*tch", tried to kiss me, and CHASED ME AROUND THE FLOOR in his wheelchair, yelling that it was "unfair I wouldn't date him just because he didn't have a leg". Awesome LNA (she takes no attitude from nobody), sick of being groped, wheeled around from where we were perched on the nursing station (out of pinching and groping range):

"Sir, it's not the leg. It's the pinching and the groping, and the inappropriate language, and that fact that you're a TERRIBLE PERSON. Know the guy in the next room? who's 80? and has gangrene? WE WOULD DATE HIM BEFORE YOU. Why? BECAUSE HE IS A GENTLEMAN."

When we watched the ambulance pull away, to take him to rehab, we went and got a cake for the resident who managed to get him to leave. And we didn't give him any.

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