Last night I pulled an overnight for the campus EMT squad- it was a Thursday, so I expected SOME drinking, but to get some sleep. Apparently the gods of EMS did not favor us. Our first call came in at 1230, after we were all tucked into bed- me, one of my favorite girls on the squad, our HILARIOUS driver for the evening, and R, the best looking guy in the whole nursing school, who also happens to be hilarious. We were paged to UPSTAIRS, in the student health center, for a kid who "hurt his ankle" and was in 9/10 pain...while munching crackers and sipping gatorade. "9/10 you say?" I asked sweetly "Oh that must be SOOO awful for you- I'm SURE you have no appetite with pain like THAT!"
"Oh no- I'm STARVING!" my patient replied happily. That's -2 pain scale points for you, plus ANOTHER two dropped for making coherent conversation without wincing when we moved you. 5/10 sounds about right.
2nd call came in about 220, once we were all BACK asleep, the first of the inevitable Intox Evaluations- a bunch of frat parties at bars off campus had gotten out, and two prize human beings had decided to pee in the parking lot...in front of both campus security and the local PD. Yeah. Bad idea. Took the one who looked worse off to the hospital, left the other one to be arrested, then BACK to campus for ANOTHER drunk, discharged because he wasn't THAT drunk, then back into bed by 310...only to be awakened at 530 for ANOTHER drunk, stumbling around shoeless. By this point we were all so punch-drunk that L started giggling at the patient and couldn't ask him any questions.
I've had 4 hours of sleep...and I'm working a standby tonight.
I am going to DIE!