Monday, November 3, 2008

Bathing Your Patient

Today was "Hygiene and Mobility" day, also known as giving bed-baths, changing occupied AND unoccupied beds (with mitered corners, no less) and learning how to use all sorts of spiffy lift-assists that we are assured will NEVER be there when we need them. It was hilarious. Bathing a fully conscious, morally outraged classmate is a unique experience I hope never to have to repeat, and the water really DOES go cold faster than you'd think. Highlights included the lecture by one VERY straightlaced catholic professor on the importance of "putting the foreskin of the penis BACK after washing". It never occurred to me that this would actually be a HAZARD of receiving a sponge bath. I wonder if it will be declared a "never event".

Tomorrow is the dreaded Pharmacology exam. I WOULD simply quake in fear, but NOW thanks to my rapidly progressing education, I know that I am instead experiencing an activation of my sympathetic nervous system, and that an appropriate antidote to my rise in blood pressure would be propanolol, except that its successor metaprolol has fewer side effects.

I WOULD fear for my sanity, but that would only get me started on drugs that can cross the blood-brain barrier and interact with my dopaminergic pathways. I'm screwed.

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